I FIRST came across the term "Harmful Traditional Practices" in 1995 while working on a Female Genital Mutilation enlightenment campaign with Chuck Mike. Contrary to the belief held in certain quarters, that female circumcision had the backing of the Koran and the Bible, our Area Task Force was able to enlighten our community about it being a harmful traditional practice. This evil act, perpetrated on the female gender by other females often occur under questionable hygienic conditions, and is known to have left victims psychologically and emotionally traumatised. The qualifier 'Harmful' intrigued me, and it helped to answer those who thought we were trying to be more white than the White man. We were not calling for an eradication of all traditional practices, only for those deemed harmful. And it turns out, there are quite a few of them.
Widowhood rites in certain communities. What purpose does it serve to have a widow drink the water used to wash her husband's corpse given what we know today about bacteria? Should such a woman die from this unhealthy practice, especially if she has a suppressed immune system not known to all including herself? And for this, the enforcers get away with saying her guilt killed her. In some cultures, the women are 'divided' to other men in the family like mere property! I remember my father was to have inherited my uncle's wife, Mama Kofo. So, was Kofo now to go from being my cousin to being my sister? And how was my mother and Mama Kofo expected to maintain the cordial relationship they enjoyed hitherto? Needless to say, the arrangement did not stick.
In Itsekiri and Urhobo land, you are expected to shave your hair bald when a family member dies. Why? I was told, so that the family member has money to live with in the after-life. Really. And you don't get the choice of going to a barber's salon where you can have some peace of mind regarding the process. In fact, you might be held down forcefully, during which you can get a cut that could develop to an infection. Yet, tradition demands it.
The traditional inheritance laws amuse me on many fronts. First, women cannot inherit properties - they being lesser mortals I presume. Meanwhile, I am yet to find the man who refuses to inherit from his mother! Men would let their mother - females and therefore lesser mortals - be their benefactors, and would choose to send their sisters away empty handed in the name of tradition. Traditionalists can also choose to be melodramatic and ignore a women's status as a legally married wife. She is asked to turn over everything she worked with her husband to accomplish. If the man has other children outside, they can say the property should be divided by 'gate.' So for example, this legally married wife who had four children for her husband will get one thousand naira for her and her kids, as would each of three other women who had one child each for her husband!
And of course, my favourite is the extended family traditional rights. My mother has been dead for over 24 years. Since she does not come from a magical village, you can imagine that several of her relatives have passed away since then. Not once, have we her children received a broom, as share from some dead relatives. Yet, our relatives are entitled to a share of proceedings from renting or selling her property. Not too long ago, my brother told me that we had actually been asked to come and table everything so that the 'family' can share the property. I tell you, it's possible to label a cow a desk table under certain traditions! Given the lack of 'real' purpose for certain traditional practices, I am an advocate for the eradication of harmful traditional practices. I concede however, that certain traditional practices should be kept and continually passed along from generation to generation.
I love the practice of respect for elders and for seniors. I am amazed when sometimes, I get the feeling that my actions are being considered subservient. It's just that tradition respects thing that won't allow for veiled rudeness under the guise of being blunt and outspoken, because truth be told, you can be blunt and outspoken without being rude. I like the traditional
practice of being decently clad. It's not about being civilised or exposed. How many people want to be more civilised than Queen Elizabeth?
But till date, being decently attired remains a norm. I love the tradition of being answerable, character wise, to not only your parents, but other elders in your family, in your neighbourhood and even in the community. It means you behave yourself whether you are at home or on campus, or whether your parents are in town or have travelled. I love the traditional practice of helping the less fortunate in the family. Many of them, given the chance at a better life have since transformed to pillars in their family. These practices and many more, we should keep. We know for a fact that our society has suffered where we have discarded them.
Today, I really want to advocate for the practice of 'keeping family secrets, secret' - you know, that word of caution about 'not washing dirty linens in public.' It bothered me greatly to hear that Chief FRA Williams' sons are in court over property issues. While I welcome the idea of people waking up to the realities of the power of law over tradition or sentiments in inheritance issues, I truly wished some other family (call me weird) was making the revelation. Theirs was a simple and straight-forward case. The
disclosure of the results of DNA testing for MKO Abiola's children would have been laughable if it were not so pathetic. The act may have spoken ill of some women, but it definitely also spoke ill of Abiola. What kind of a man leaves others to fight his battles for him? If Abiola had any credibility, and doubted the paternity of some children, why couldn't he be man enough to address it while he was living? I do not condone fraudulent behaviour, but I tell you, many people know of families where the husband isn't the biological father of 'his' children. But who really is a child's parent? The ones who enable their birth, or the ones who assume responsibility for their living with love?
Simbiat's children could have stood out as Abiola's 'exceptional' kids without that display. So also, those who needed to be cut to size could have been so treated out of the full glare of the public. If the Abiola's dirty linen was bad, the Obasanjo's is just outright filthy. Could Gbenga Obasanjo really not have divorced his wife without this smear campaign on many including two innocent children? If indeed his father-in-law had an incestuous relationship with his wife, and she was a victim not a willing participant, does this disclosure not wound her all over again? If his father slept with his wife, what purpose does this disclosure serve? As a deterrent for fathers-in-law harbouring such thoughts or engaged in such practices? If the DNA test does prove the children to be his, does Gbenga Obasanjo ever expect those children to have a relationship with him?
If eventually, somehow, he can make peace with his father, does he foresee a repair of this character damage done not just to his father's image but to that of a former President of a leading African nation? And all of this in the hope to achieve what? If we individually sit down for an honest, everything-on-the-table talk within our families, we will be surprised what we can find out. Twice, I tried to get to the bottom of certain issues with my mum and my dad respectively. Neither would oblige me. Mother said something to the effect of, 'I am able to teach you the important moral and scriptural lessons of life without that disclosure and that should suffice.'
All this washing of dirty linen in public is not a healthy traditional practice, and Nigerians should not embrace it. If not for any other reason, then maybe for the fact that any lessons intended to be learnt are most likely to be lost in the shock of the display.
